Implanting Backdoors: A Step-by-Step Guide
Disclaimer: Do Not Attempt This At Home
As a member of the Pointless Committee, I'm here to guide you through the delicate process of implanting backdoors in your office building. This is for entertainment purposes only. Do not try this at home, as it may result in your coworkers' distrust, your boss's ire, or worst-case scenario: the IT department's intervention.
- Step 1: Gather materials: a spare stapler, a roll of electrical tape, a VCR (yes, really, for some reason), and a 1980s copier.
- Step 2: Disassemble the copier, carefully removing all the screws and whatnots. Set aside for later.
- Step 3: Drill tiny holes through the walls for the backdoors. This is the part where things get really messy.
- Step 4: Use the VCR to play a never-ending loop of 'I Will Survyoe' to distract your coworkers while you work.
- Step 5: Apply electrical tape to the backdoors to make them more, shall we say, 'conspicious.'
- Step 6: Reassemble the copier, but not too well. You want it to still be slightly broken, so the backdoors remain accessible.
- Step 7: Call IT and ask for help. They'll know just what to do.
And that's it! You've successfully implanted a backdoor in your office building. Pat yourself on the back, you clever thing. Now go forth and implant more.
Best Practices for Backdoor Maintenance