The Utterly Pointless Guide to Meeting Protocols: Minute Taker Edition

Meetings are a thing. People are a thing. Protocols are... well, not really a thing. But that doesn't stop us from pretending otherwise.

The Minute-Taker's Protocol

Step 1: Show up. Step 2: Take notes. Step 3: Write down every single thing that was said, even if it's not relevant or makes no sense. Step 4: Read back the entire thing to everyone at the end of the meeting. Step 5: Repeat steps 3-4 for every meeting. Forever.

Tip 1: Use a font that is at least 18 points to make it easier for everyone to read.
Tip 2: Make sure to include the date, time, and location of the meeting. Not that anyone will remember any of this information.
Tip 3: Use a highlighter to draw attention to the important parts of the meeting. Like that one time John said 'um'.
Tip 4: Include a section for 'Action Items' where you can list all the things people will never follow up on.
Tip 5: Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever... just go back to Step 4 and repeat it all again.

And that's it. That's the entire protocol. You're welcome.