| Name: | John D. Foosball |
|---|---|
| Position: | Goalkeeper |
| Skills: | Expert-level ping-pong ball handling, questionable decision-making |
| Notable Achievements: | Won the 2019 Foosball Championship of the Inflated Sense of Self-Importance |
| Quirks: | Insists on using a custom-built, glow-in-the-dark, disco-ball-shaped paddle |
| Wins: | 12 |
|---|---|
| Losses: | 32 |
| Draws: | 6 |
| Points Scored: | 57 |
| Points Conceded: | 93 |
Mystery Player is known for their unorthodox playing style, which involves a combination of reckless abandon and sheer, unadulterated luck.
They are also infamous for their tendency to blame their losses on their opponents' "sucky" table.