| Player Name | Position | Skills |
|---|---|---|
| Bob Johnson | Goalie | Expertly bad at foosball, has a beard that's almost as long as the table |
| John Smith | Defender | Loves his coffee, hates his life |
| Jane Doe | Midfielder | Can run really fast, almost as fast as she can eat a whole pizza by herself |
| Bob Johnson's Brother, Bill Johnson | Midfielder | Has a 50% chance of winning, but only if the other team is made up of kittens |
Team motto: "We're not actually good at foosball, but we're really trying."