| 2024 Foosball League Roster | ||
| Player | Position | Ranking |
| Brian The Overachiever | Team Captain | 1st in the World (or so he claims) |
| John The Uninspiring | Backup Foosball Player | 3rd in the League (by default) |
| Jane The Uncoordinated | Novice Player | Still trying to figure out how to hold the stick |