Rule 1: The Foosball Table is a Neutral, Non-Communal Space
Any attempts to claim dominion over the Foosball Table, including but not limited to: placing a personal item on the table, claiming ownership of the table, or simply being near the table for an extended period of time, will be met with stern opposition from the Balthazar McSpikes' Foosball League.
Subrule 1a: The League reserves the right to reassign any item placed on the table to a neutral, third-party mediator for review and disposition.
Rule 2: Players are Expected to Maintain a High Level of Physical and Mental Vigor
Any player found to be consistently underperforming due to lack of sleep, excessive caffeine intake, or poor personal hygiene will be subject to mandatory, unannounced inspections of their home and workspace.
Subrule 2a: The League takes pride in its comprehensive list of acceptable excuses for underperformance, including but not limited to: recent bereavement, minor cold, or temporary possession of the ball.
Rule 3: All Players Must Contribute to the Foosball League's Charitable Efforts
A minimum of 10% of all prize money must be donated to the Balthazar McSpikes' Foosball League's Official Charity, 'Help a Struggling Gamer Pay Their Rent.'
Subrule 3a: The League reserves the right to audit any donation records and will not hesitate to reassign any player who fails to meet the charitable requirements.