Article 1: Foosball table may not be used for actual foosball. Any attempts to play the game shall be met with stern disapproval.
Article 2: Any player found guilty of actually enjoying the game shall be subject to mandatory reeducation sessions.
Article 3: The foosball table shall be used as a decorative piece only. Any attempt to place a beer pong cup on it shall be met with swift and merciless removal.