For the most urgent and pressing matters of silence, please do not contact us. We will not respond.
But if you must, our contact information is:
Chairperson: A. P. Mumbleton (he's probably not there)
Secretary: S. S. Silentterson (she's definitely not there)
Address: The Committee's Secret Lair (hidden behind a dumpster)
Phone: Don't bother, we won't answer
Email: [not@silencecommittee.example](don't bother sending)
Meeting Location: The coffee shop down the street (but only if you're really desperate)
Hyperlinks:
Committee on Utter Nonsense | Committee on Redundant Replies