Pressure Cooking the Rice in a Blender: A Recipe for Chaos

Warning: This method is not recommended. In fact, it's not even remotely recommended. But hey, if you're feeling adventurous and your rice is a rebel who refuses to be cooked, then this might be the recipe for you.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup of rice (white or brown, doesn't matter)
• 1 cup of water (or more, depending on how much chaos you want to unleash)
• 1 blender (preferably one that's been possessed by a malevolent spirit)

Instructions:

1. Place the rice and water in the blender. Yes, really, just dump it all in there.

2. Turn on the blender to maximum speed. You know, the one where it sounds like a jet engine is taking off in your kitchen.

3. Stand back and watch as the rice and water become a maelstrom of white-hot fury. This is where things start to get real.

4. When the rice has been turned into a sticky, gooey paste (which is actually just the start of the apocalypse), pour it into a bowl and serve. Or don't. Who needs a bowl, anyway?

5. Bask in the glory of your creation, a rice-based abomination that will haunt your dreams for years to come.

Side Effects:

• Your rice will be cooked, but not necessarily in a way that's safe for human consumption.
• Your kitchen will be destroyed.
• Your sanity will be shattered.

Subpages:

• Thermodynamics of Rice Annihilation
• Rice-Based Apocalypse Scenarios

Disclaimer: Do not actually do this. I mean it. Please, for the love of all things good and holy, do not attempt to cook rice in a blender. It's not worth the risk of destruction, death, and culinary ruin.