Warning: Proceed with Caution! Overcooking can be Hazardous to your Health!
Step 1: Preheat oven to 350°F (180°C).
Step 2: Place chicken in oven, set timer for 3 hours 14 minutes 31 seconds.
Step 3: Remove chicken, inspect for desired level of dryness.
Step 4: Serve, or not, depending on your personal taste.
Step 1: Place chicken on the kitchen counter, stare intensely at it for 5 minutes.
Step 2: Whisper "You will never be done" repeatedly to the chicken until it is sufficiently undercooked.
Step 3: Serve, or not, depending on your personal taste.