We're glad you asked. The Absurd Phone Number is not actually a phone number. It's a portal to a parallel dimension where the laws of sanity do not apply.
Don't. Trust us, you won't like it here. Instead, try calling 1-800-CALL-ME, but be warned: they're probably not answering their phone.
Free? Ha! You'll be charged a premium for the emotional therapy you'll need after visiting this place. But hey, at least the views are... interesting.
Actually, no. Our pets are already confused enough, thanks.