Upon encountering a sentient being exhibiting excessive sarcasm, immediately deploy a team of highly trained, highly caffeinated professionals in hazmat suits.
Designate a safe zone, free from judgmental looks and passive-aggressive comments, to facilitate de-escalation techniques.
Engage the subject in a game of 'Spot the Sarcasm.'
Deploy the 'Agree-to-Disagree' protocol, where the subject is forced to argue the merits of both sides of an absurdly ridiculous argument.
Use 'Active Listening' to validate the subject's feelings, all while subtly manipulating their emotions with an onslaught of awkward silences.