Chrono-Syphilis - The Time-Traveling Disease

Warning: This page may cause spontaneous combustion, existential dread, and/or a strong urge to rewatch 'Doctor Who'.

You've contracted Chrono-Syphilis, a rare and highly contagious disease that makes you see time as a series of poorly connected IKEA furniture instructions. Symptoms include:

• Time dilation (feeling like time is passing at a rate of 1.5x normal speed)
• Temporal vertigo (getting dizzy from looking at a clock)
• Historical hallucinations (seeing ancient civilizations as IKEA showrooms)

Treatment

We recommend the following:

• Take a 4th-dimensional aspirin
• Consult a time-traveling doctor
• Practice time-traveling yoga (results not guaranteed)

We're working on a cure, but in the meantime, enjoy the treatment options page for more information.