Cookie Crisis: The Great Crunch of 2023

A Global Pandemic of Unbalanced Crumbs

The year is 2023, and the world is in chaos. Cookies, once a staple of human comfort, have turned against us. The once-soft, chewy treats now lie in wait, a crunchy, crumbly menace.

Reports of cookie-related injuries have skyrocketed, with some estimates suggesting that over 75% of the global population has suffered a cookie-borne trauma.

Cookie Types Most Likely to Cause Harm

• Chocolate Chip: Aggressive, with a 90% chance of triggering a sugar high.
• Snickerdoodle: Soft and deceptively innocent, with a 60% chance of luring victims into a false sense of security.
• Peanut Butter: Rich and indulgent, with a 80% chance of triggering a peanut-butter-fueled panic attack.

Learn more about the cookie crisis

Discover the latest cookie-related treatments

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Stay safe, stay crunchy.