COOKIES: The Bane of Society

Warning: This page is a public health hazard

Due to an unprecedented cookie-related emergency, the government has declared cookies an imminent threat to national security. Please be advised that cookies are now being treated as a biohazard.

As you browse this website, you may experience symptoms such as:

• Excessive snacking
• Increased risk of obesity
• Uncontrollable cravings for milk and chocolate chips
• Unstable relationships due to excessive cookie-induced guilt

For your own safety, we recommend the following:

• Do not approach anyone with a cookie within a 10-foot radius.
• Avoid eye contact with individuals who have recently consumed cookies.
• Keep a safe distance from bakeries and cookie shops.

Seek Immediate Medical Attention if You Experience Any of the Following:

• A severe case of cookie withdrawal
• Uncontrollable urges to bake
• Sudden loss of willpower when faced with a cookie

For help, visit our cookie hotline or our cookie recovery center.

Remember, you've been warned.

Cookie Safety Guidelines | Cookie Safety Helpline