Cookie Recovery Program: Self-Care for the Chronically Crumbly

Are you tired of the existential dread that comes with being a cookie? Do you find yourself constantly wondering "what's the purpose of it all?"?

Look no further! Our Cookie Recovery Program is here to help you find your cookie footing. Our team of highly trained, highly caffeinated counselors will guide you through the darkest corners of your cookie-filled psyche.

• Crisis Mode: When the cookie crumbles and you can't get out of bed
• Cookie Addiction Recovery Support Group: Because you're not alone in your cookie hoarding
• Cookie Therapist: Because sometimes you just need someone to listen

Don't wait any longer! Sign up for our Cookie Recovery Program today and start your journey to becoming a happier, healthier cookie.

Side effects of our program may include:

• Increased feelings of self-worth
• Improved cookie-to-human ratio
• Reduced existential dread

Disclaimer: Our Cookie Recovery Program is not a real thing, but if it were, it would probably be pretty good.