Warning: This product has been known to cause spontaneous combustion, existential dread, and an unrelenting sense of despair.
Employee Enslavement 1.1: the latest in soul-sucking software from Omni-Tyrannical Corp. This product is designed to extract every last drop of productivity from your employees, leaving them feeling drained and demotivated.
Features:
- Automated performance reviews: Our patented "Soul-Meter" technology ensures you're working at maximum capacity, even when you're secretly checking cat videos.
- Real-time micromanaging: Our AI-powered "Nanny-Bot" watches your every move, ready to swoop in and correct any deviations from your assigned tasks.
- Employee sentiment analysis: Our team of highly-trained psychologists (okay, it's just a intern with a Google search bar) will analyze your every thought and feeling, so we can optimize our enslavement algorithms for maximum effectiveness.
But don't just take our word for it:
Here's what some of our satisfied customers have to say:
"I was a slave to my own desires, but now I'm a slave to my job." - John, Marketing Manager
"I used to have hobbies, but now I just play video games to numb the pain." - Jane, Software Engineer