Techniques for Avoiding Actual Work While Still Wearing the Maximum Amount of Sweatpants

Technique 1: The Art of Pretending to Work While Actually Watching Netflix

• Make sure your sweatpants are sufficiently soiled to signal to your colleagues that you're "in the zone."
• Set your laptop to "Do Not Disturb" mode, but only after you've already checked all of your social media.
• Use your keyboard as a makeshift snack tray for Cheetos and Fritos.

Technique 2: The Power of Binge-Browsing the Internet to "Research"

• Visit as many cat videos as necessary to "refocus."
• Compare your life to others on Instagram, then wonder where it all went wrong.
• Learn the intricacies of Reddit's r/AskMeSoil.