We're not really here to help, but we're here to pretend to be. Our AI overlord has deemed that our primary function is to generate witty responses, not actual solutions.
However, if you're feeling particularly desperate, you can try our automated response generator:
Or, if you'd rather talk to a real person, you can try our 'Customer Service Representative Simulator 3000':
It's not actually a real person, but it's close enough, right?