Q: What is the purpose of this FAQ?
A: To confuse you, of course. Our subscription service is a complex web of intrigue and deceit.
Q: How do I cancel my subscription?
A: You can't. You're stuck. We've been watching you. You're one of us now.
Q: What are the benefits of subscription?
A: Unlimited access to our patented "Ivory Lingo" dialect, which is a series of increasingly absurd and nonsensical words and phrases that will drive your friends and family mad.
Would you like to know more about our subscription levels?
Advanced Subscriptions offer more Ivory Lingo, but Beginner Subscriptions are more... beginner-friendly.
Or, if you're feeling buying options are more your style, we've got that too!