Chapter 4: Finding People
You've got a problem. You can't find your friends, family, or even your cat. Don't worry, we've got you covered. Our patented, totally-not-made-up technology will help you locate the people you're looking for in no time!
But wait, there's more! Our system also has a 99.9% chance of finding your lost socks, and a 50.1% chance of discovering hidden talent in your neighbor's kid. Results not guaranteed. Or are they?