"I once knew a man who was so desperate for a new bag, he sold his soul to the Soul Dealers for a 99¢ discount.

- Some Guy, 1999

"I'm not saying I'm addicted to the Chronically Bagged, but... actually, that's exactly what I'm saying.

- Another Guy, 2001

"I've seen it all: the Epic Fail of the '90s, the Bag Fail of the '00s, and now the Apocalypse of the '10s.

- Yet Another Guy, 2010

"I'm starting to think the only way to truly understand the meaning of life is to fill it with enough infinite bags of despair.

- Some Other Guy, 2005

"I once knew a bag that knew too much.

- Some Other Other Guy, 2002

"I'm not sure what's more terrifying: the Atomic Bag or the Mega Bag.

- Still Another Guy, 2008

"I've been searching for the Ultimate Bag for years, but all I've found is a infinite loop of bags.

- Yet Yet Another Guy, 2015

"The only thing more painful than the Super Sad Bag is trying to clean it.

- Some Other Other Other Guy, 2012

"I'm convinced the Omni Bag is just a metaphor for the human condition.

- Some Guy, 2019