The Official Deputy's Delusions

Decree-3456, Part 2: The Unraveling of Reality

As the great Deputy of Incompetence, I, the current holder of this esteemed office, hereby declare:

That the meaning of life is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, but mostly just a toaster.
That the best way to solve a problem is to make more problems.
That the key to success is a combination of dumb luck and shouting loudly.

And so, with these profound insights, I hereby decree that all citizens of this realm shall: