**IMPORTANT:** All Deputy Denizens are required to attend the upcoming "How to Properly Use a Fire Extinguisher" seminar. Failure to do so will result in a 5% decrease in your monthly ration of stale, warm soda water.
Don't forget to RSVP by replying to this message with a simple "YES" in all caps. Don't bother trying to RSVP with anything else, we're not your mom.
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Donate to the Deputy Denizen Fund and help us buy more fire extinguishers!