DEPUTY DETENTION PRESS RELEASE

BREAKING: Deputy's Union Announces New Policy of Strictly Enforcing Strictly-Enforced Rules

In a surprise move, the Deputy's Union has announced a new policy of strictly enforcing its own set of strict rules. The new policy, titled "Deputy's Union: A Guide to Not Getting Fired", outlines in excruciating detail the many ways in which deputues will be held accountable for even the slightest infractions.

"We're not messing around here," said Deputy's Union spokesperson, Bob. "You think you're above the law? Think again. You think you can just waltz into work late, or take an extra-long lunch? Think again. You think you can even look at us funny? Think again."

The new policy includes, but is not limited to, the following rules:

• Arrive on time
• Take a 15-minute lunch
• Don't even think about touching the stapler
• Don't look at the union president funny

Violations of these rules will result in disciplinary action, including but not limited to:

• Warning
• Mildly-Worded Verbal Warning
• Moderate-Worded Verbal Warning
• Termination (of employment, not life)

For more information on the Deputy's Union, or to read the full policy, visit:

Union Policy