Now we're getting to the good stuff. Step 4 is where the in-laws' beauty routine gets really interesting.
They've got a special chair, you see, one that's been passed down through generations of in-lawly ancestors. It's got more buttons than a spaceship control panel, and they spend hours fiddling with it every morning.
There's the "Tone and Texture" button, which they claim is essential for getting the perfect blend of "moisturizing and exfoliating".
Next to that, the "Scent and Essence" button, because who needs a regular shower when you can have a fragrance that's been bottled in 1982 and still smells like last night's dinner?
And let's not forget the "Hair and Hydration" button, which is actually just a button that makes their hair grow an extra inch longer every time they press it, but only if they've eaten an entire pizza by themselves the night before.
It's a delicate dance, really. You've got to press the buttons just so, and in just the right order, or risk unleashing a maelstrom of over-moisturized, over-scented, over-hair-grown chaos.
Step 5: The Unsettling Realization That You're Just Not Good Enough