LAUNCH AN AIRBORNE ATTACK ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE

STEP 1: GAIN ACCESS TO FACEBOOK'S MAINFRAME

• Deploy an army of micro-drone bees to buzz around your profile picture.
• Program your profile to post an endless loop of "I'm thirsty" status updates.
• Replace your cover photo with a JPEG of a cat playing the trombone.

STEP 2: EXECUTE THE ATTACK

• Send a private message to 100 of your closest friends, each with a different flavor of pizza topping suggestion.
• Post an update about the 'real' you, a secret agent working undercover as a middle-aged accountant.
• Change your name to 'Captain Obvious' and update your bio to 'Savant of Nothing.'

STEP 3: COVER YOUR TRACKS

• Deny any and all requests for help from concerned friends and family.
• Replace your password with a series of randomly generated gibberish.
• Change your email to a string of 100 random cat pictures.

LAUNCH A MISSILE ATTACK ON THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS WHO WON'T SHARE THEIR SOCKS