Disastrous Date Night: A Recipe for Catastrophe

Ingredients:

• 1 can of awkward silences (14 oz)
• 2 cups of overthinking
• 3 cups of unspoken expectations
• 1 tablespoon of forgotten gifts
• 1/4 teaspoon of passive-aggressive jokes

Instructions:

1. Start with a 6:00 PM dinner reservation for a restaurant that's 10 minutes away from the date's place.
2. Realize you forgot to get a gift, leading to a 10-minute detour to a nearby convenience store.
3. Upon return, find that the restaurant is closed due to a "plumbing emergency."
4. Decide to "just order pizza" and have the date deliver it to your car in the parking lot, amidst a torrential downpour.
5. Realize the pizza is from a rival restaurant's competitor, leading to an awkward "accidental" order mix-up.
6. As the night descends into chaos, have a heart-to-heart with the date about the meaning of life, love, and the importance of proper gift-giving.
7. End the night with a 1:00 AM "I should go home" exit strategy, citing "an early start tomorrow" as the reason.

Optional side effects:

• A lingering sense of dread about the future
• A permanent scar on the relationship, or a new hobby: extreme ironing
• A newfound appreciation for the art of gift-giving, or a lifelong aversion to it

Epilogue: The Morning After

Memories of a Disaster