Misunderstanding the Apology

A classic technique in the art of procrastination, the apology is a delicate dance of regret, guilt, and subtle manipulation. A true master of the apology must first, paradoxically, understand that it's not actually sorry at all.

Here's a step-by-step guide to mastering the art of the pseudo-apology:

1. 1. Pretend to be sorry. Like, really sorry. Like, "I'm so sorry I ate the last of the donuts" sorry.
2. 2. Use phrases like "I'm truly, deeply sorry" while secretly thinking "I'm just sorry I got caught".
3. 3. Offer vague gestures of goodwill, like "I'll make it up to you" while planning to do absolutely nothing.