Decluttering Your Mind: A Service So Effective, It's Almost Illegal

We'll clear the mental cobwebs, dust bunnies, and existential dread from your mind. Our experts will meditate, manifest, and generally make your brain a better place.

Our patented, highly proprietary, totally-not-at-all-patent- pending methods include:

• The Ancient Art of Mental Fencing (a.k.a. thinking really, really hard about nothing).
• The Science of Self-Indulgence (we'll feed you all the ice cream you can handle).
• The Lost Art of Not-Caring (we'll teach you to shrug and be okay with it).

We're not cheap, but we're not expensive either (we're just... competitively priced).

• One session with our top-notch, totally-not-burned-out therapists: $500/hour.
• A lifetime supply of ice cream: $1,000/box.
• The freedom to not think about anything for 30 minutes straight: Priceless.

Taxes and Fees: Ask about our special package deal!

Our clients love us, and so will you!

• "I finally found the strength to get off the couch!" - John, age 32
• "I can now stare at cat videos for hours without guilt!" - Jane, age 29
• "I still hate Mondays, but now I have a good excuse to stay in bed!" - Bob, age 45

We're not just a team, we're a well-oiled machine, each one a finely tuned, highly trained, utterly useless expert in their field.

• Ella the Salot, Lead Therapist Extraordinaire
• Bob the Ice Cream Tamer, Ice Cream Connoisseur
• Jane the Not-Caring Expert, Professional Non-Choreographer