Learning a New Language: A Guide to Procrastination

Step 1: Open a tab for "just one minute" to watch cat videos.

C;Step 2: Declare your language goals to a mirror, and stare intensely for 10 minutes.

Step 3: Pretend you're a polyglot, and claim to understand everything, even though you have no idea what's going on.

Step 4: Create a spreadsheet to track your progress, but don't actually do anything.

Warning: Excessive use of procrastination strategies may lead to:

• Increased risk of getting lost in an endless loop of Wikipedia articles.

• Enhanced ability to recognize memes, but inability to remember what you learned.

• Irreversible damage to your social life.