Step 1: Open a new tab in your browser. Pretend to be working on a critical report. Click on the tab every 5 minutes to remind yourself you're still working.
Step 2: Use a fancy coffee mug as a paperweight. This will add an air of sophistication to your desk.
Step 3: Take a 3-hour lunch. You can't work on a full stomach. Or, you know, you can just take a break and scroll through memes.
And for the pièce de résistance: Pretending to Work: Advanced Techniques