Step 2: Listen to your coworkers' problems, but only for the sake of appearances.
As a seasoned professional, you know that true power lies not in the doing, but in the appearance of doing.
So, when your coworker comes to you with their latest drama-filled crisis, remember: you're not actually listening, you're just pretending to.
Here are some tips to help you master the art of passive-aggressive listening:
Nod your head, make supportive noises, and avoid actually engaging in the conversation. This will make your coworker feel heard and understood, while you secretly plan your escape route.
Example:
Step 3: The Art of Nonverbal Cues
Master the art of nonverbal communication, where a raised eyebrow can convey volumes.
Repeat back what your coworker said, but in a way that makes it sound like you're actually interested. Just remember, it's all about the tone, darling.
Example:
"I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling with the new coffee machine. That sounds really tough."
Meaning: "I'm going to go grab a latte and pretend to care, but actually, I'm just counting down the minutes until the clock strikes 5."
Step 4: The Art of Strategic Boredom
Stay tuned for more expert advice on how to appear engaged while secretly plotting your escape.