Emergency Contact Info (aka "Don't Call 911, Call Us Instead")

For any emergency situation where you've managed to break something, spill something, or just generally make a mess, please contact us at:

The Emergency Response Team

Or, if you're feeling particularly dramatic:

Bureaucratic Red Tape Division

Or, if you're just having a bad day:

The Self-Help Hotline

And if all else fails, just try to make your way to the nearest Burger King and order a few Whoppers. Trust us, it's a proven emergency solution.