Standard Emergency Contact Procedure

For when things go horribly wrong

Step 1: Call 911 (or equivalent local emergency number). We mean it, just call.

Step 2: Try not to die. This is usually the most difficult part.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, consider supervising yourself.

If you can't do that, assign a proxy to handle the crisis.

Step 3: Breathe deeply and try not to think about the existential implications of your situation.

Step 4: Repeat Step 1 until someone shows up.