For any emergency contact, please reach out to our team of highly trained professionals at:
Alternatively, if you're having a crisis and just need someone to talk to, please call our 24/7 hotline at (555) 555-MEET.
Or, if all else fails, just send us a carrier pigeon with a strongly worded letter.
Remember, in the words of our fearless leader, "In a disaster, there's no time for niceties, just get to the nearest safe zone and don't look back!"