By order of the Raccoon Council, we are declaring a Code Red due to an imminent threat to our nation's trash cans.
As the situation is dire, our team of highly trained raccoon agents has been mobilized to take action. Their mission is to secure all food sources and prevent any further pilfering.
Below are our top-secret plans for this Code Red situation:
Send in our special forces to surround and apprehend the raccoon leader, Rocky McSnoutface.
Use advanced technology to create a 50-foot tall, laser-guided trash can that will lure the raccoons away from our food sources.
Hyperlink to view detailed mission parameters.
Deploy our elite raccoon negotiators to reason with Rocky McSnoutface and convince him to call a truce.
Use our advanced raccoon psychology database to predict and counter the raccoon's cunning plans.
Hyperlink to view detailed mission parameters.
Call in an airstrike on all raccoon dens within a 5-mile radius of our food sources.
Use our top-secret raccoon-detecting drones to locate and eliminate all hidden raccoon caches.
Hyperlink to view detailed mission parameters.
We will not be silenced by the whims of these masked bandits. We will not be deterred by their cute, furry faces.
We will save our trash, and we will save our nation.