Q: What is the purpose of the coffee machine?
A: To brew an existential crisis.
Q: Can I take a three-hour lunch?
A: Only if you're allergic to work.
Q: What is the company policy on microwaving fish in the break room?
A: Don't.
Q: Can I wear flip-flops to work?
A: Only on Fridays.
Q: Why is the stapler so loud?
A: It's a cry for help.
Q: Can I bring my pet rock into the office?
A: Only if it's a rock of discerning taste.
Q: Is the foosball table a company resource?
A: Yes, but only if you're willing to sacrifice your productivity.
Q: Can I have a nap in the supply closet?
A: Only if you're allergic to sleep.
Q: Is the stapler a stress ball?
A: Only on Wednesdays.