John Burpee, Manager of the Inefficiency Department

I've been here for 5 years, and I still haven't managed to do anything.

My specialty is creating new ways to do the same old things, slower and more complicated.

Some of my notable achievements include:

Creating the world's most complicated form for ordering a cup of coffee.
Perfecting the art of making a simple task take 10 hours to complete.
Inventing the "Burpee Method" for solving problems, which involves staring at a wall for hours.

Want to learn more about my methods?

Or, if you're feeling adventurous:

Or, if you just want to leave a message for me: