CORP-101: Zero Tolerance Protocol
Justifications for Corporeal Punishments
As per Section 3, Subsection B of the Corporate Code of Conduct:
1. Repeatedly hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock will be considered a gross dereliction of duty and shall be met with a 5-day suspension of privileges.
2. Using the company fridge for personal storage of human snacks will be considered gross negligence and shall result in a written warning and 2 days of desk-duty.
3. Failure to attend mandatory corporate team-building exercises will be considered an existential crisis and shall be met with a mandatory attendance at a 3-day retreat.
Corporal Punishments:
A) Stapling: Up to 5 staples to be applied to the offender's corporate ID badge as a reminder of their transgression.
B) Redboxing: The offender shall be forced to wear a red box with a bold, uppercase "WARNING" label for a period of one month.
C) Reeducation: A series of mandatory seminars and workshops shall be required, focusing on "Time Management for the Modern Corporate Drone" and "Proper Use of the Company Fridge."