Condition 1: Mandatory Morning Jogging
Every day at 06:00 AM sharp, you will be required to jog 5 miles through the nearest industrial wasteland. Failure to do so will result in severe penalties.
Condition 2: Mandatory Moustache Twirling
Every day at 12:00 PM, you will be required to twirl your moustache in a counterclockwise direction for exactly 17 times. Failure to do so will result in severe penalties.
Condition 3: Mandatory Misanthropic Mumbling
Every evening at 09:00 PM, you will be required to recite the following poem:
"The world is a cruel and heartless place, where the weak are trampled and the strong prevail. I hate everyone and everything."
Failure to do so will result in severe penalties.