Burning Toaster Protocol

Section: Office Fire Safety

Subsection: Envelope Labeling

Warning: the following information is not for the faint of heart or those with a history of anxiety issues.

Envelopes: The Unseen Danger

Did you know that 9 out of 10 office fires are caused by a malfunctioning toaster? But did you also know that 7 out of 10 of those toaster fires were caused by a poorly labeled envelope? The answer: NO, but you should.

Our office fire safety team has identified the following protocol for proper envelope labeling:

Step 1: Label with Caution

  1. Use bold, black, 24-point font to clearly indicate that the contents are HOT.
  2. Include a warning symbol, preferably a flame icon, to alert all around you that you are about to send something FLAMMABLE.

Step 2: Label with Clarity

  1. Clearly indicate the contents of the envelope, i.e., "CHECKS", "BILLS", "UNEMPLOYMENT CONTRACTS", etc.
  2. Include a brief description of the contents, i.e., "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL YOU HAVE EATEN AT LEAST 2 CUPS OF COFFEE".

Step 3: Label with Futility

  1. Include a "Do not proceed with caution" disclaimer, because let's face it, you're already about to set off the fire alarms.

By following this protocol, you will be well on your way to becoming a certified Burning Toaster Protocol Expert, and yourประก coworkers will thank you.

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