Warning: The following features are not actually safety features, but rather a series of absurd and hilarious claims.
• Fragile – This sword is 99.9% non-functional, but still looks great!
• Flamboyant – Our sword is so flashy it will blind you with its sheer brilliance.
• Flamboyant 2: Electric Boogaloo – This is the same as the previous feature, but with more sparkles.
• Self-Adjusting Sword Arms – These arms adjust themselves to fit any hand, even if that hand is slightly deformed.
• Auto-Whimsy Mode – The sword will periodically shout 'OH NO' at the top of its lungs, alerting nearby enemies to its presence.
• Elemental Sword Selfie Mode – The sword will take a selfie with you, but only if you wear matching socks.
• Elemental Sword Selfie Death Mode – The sword will take a selfie with you, but only if you're dead.
• Elemental Sword Selfie Ghost Mode – The sword will take a selfie with you, but only if you're a ghost.
Don't try to fight with this sword, it will probably hurt you. Just... probably.