Because who needs to know the truth, anyway?
Loops: 427,321 (and still counting)
Average Loop Time: 4.23 minutes (give or take a few decades)
Most Loops in a Row: 5,456 (set by "The Loop Master" himself, Steelsteel)
Most Loops Per Second: 3.14 (achieved by "The Looping Lunatic", aka "LunaTic" McLoopFace)