We've got some answers to your burning questions, but let's be real, you're not really asking the right questions.
A: It's to waste your time with unnecessary information while you're trying to find actual answers.
A: Ha. Like we're made of cookies and magic.
A: Send a strongly-worded letter to our completely-not-abandoned email inbox.
A: No, but we're trying to be.
A: No, but you can try asking for a refund from your parents.
More Deep and Meaningless Questions
The Absurdity FAQ: For when your questions are even more absurd