METEO-9001: EXTREME WEATHER ALERT SERVICE

SEVERE WEATHER ADVISORY FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD

WARNING: Catastrophic Weather Conditions Imminent.

Forecast: 100% Chance of Chaos and Destruction

Due to an unprecedented convergence of global weather patterns, a perfect storm of doom is brewing. The skies will be painted with hues of blood orange, the oceans will boil, and the very fabric of reality will be torn asunder.

Recommendations:

• Stay inside, preferably in a heavily fortified bunker with a well-stocked pantry and a reliable supply of adult diapers.
• Avoid all windows, as they will be shattering everywhere.
• Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to surf the impending tsunami.
• Keep a safe distance from any large bodies of water, as they will be filled with razor-sharp sea creatures.

Stay tuned for further updates from METEO-9001.

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