Welcome to the Stapler-01, the most unreliable stapler in the world. Please do not attempt to use us for actual stapling, as we have been known to jam, spit out staples prophets of doom, and occasionally eat small pets.
We recommend using a real stapler for actual stapling, but if you must, please read on.
Stapler-01 has a tendency to malfunction at random intervals. Please do not touch any of the exposed metal parts, as they are very sharp and will give you a nasty paper cut.
1. Plug in the power cord.
2. Wait for 5 minutes while it thinks about stapling.
3. Place paper in the tray.
4. Press the big red button.
5. Cackle maniacally as the stapler-01 spews out staples in a mad, uncontrolled burst.
Or, you know, just don't.
Q: Why is my stapler-01 not working?
A: Because you're using it wrong, clearly.
Q: Why is it covered in dust and cat hair?
A: Because it's been possessed by the spirits of the stapled.