Extra Cheese Warranty: The Most Epic of Them All
At Extra Cheese Warranty, we guarantee that our cheeses are the cream of the crop, the crème de la crème (if you will). We're talkin' artisanal, we're talkin' hand-crafted, we're talkin' hand-churned-in-basement-in-a-village-in-the-middle-of-nowhere, cheeses.
Our warranty includes, but is not limited to:
- Will not spontaneously combust, unless you're a vampire
- Will not make you cry, unless you're a sentimental sap
- Will not turn you into a mouse, unless you've been eating too much of it
Side Effects May Include:
- Excessive happiness and joy
- Uncontrollable urge to sing and dance
- Mildly increased risk of spontaneous human combustion (see above)
Warranty Limitations:
Our warranty does not cover:
- Any use of our cheese as a projectile
- Any attempts to use our cheese as a projectile in conjunction with a catapult
- Any claims of "I'm not a vegetarian" after consumption of our cheese