As a valued citizen of the Fictitious Bureaucracy, you're probably aware that we don't actually pay our employees enough. But that's not the point. The point is that we're going through a financial crisis and need you to help us out.
We'll accept your child as partial payment for any outstanding fees. Don't worry, we'll take good care of them. We have a state-of-the-art childcare system in place.
We'll accept a 500-word short story about your experiences with our office as partial payment for any outstanding fees. Don't worry if it's terrible. We'll just pretend to read it.
Pay off your fees by participating in our exciting game of Roshambo! It's like rock, paper, scissors, but with more shouting and less actual skill.