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Underwater Landfill: Where Stocks Sink and Dreams Come to Grief
Welcome, investor, to the Underwater Landfill, where your stocks are as good as worthless. You've sunk your money into a company that's been underwater since the Clinton administration. Congratulations, you've managed to join the ranks of the financially challenged.
- Buy, Buy, BUY our exclusive line of waterproof stock certificates! Only $100,000 for a limited time!
- Invest in our state-of-the-art underwater excavation equipment, guaranteed to dig your way back to financial solvency!
- Participate in our exciting new stock-picking contest, where you can win a year's supply of soggy bread and a chance to relive the thrill of being underwater and penniless!
"I sunk my entire 401k into Underwater Landfill stock and now I'm swimming with the fishes. Thanks, guys!" - John D.
"I invested in their waterproof stock certificates and now my basement is flooded with worthless paper. It's like a never-ending nightmare!" - Jane S.